Choosing a post-natal doula November 20, 2009

Definition from www. doula.org.uk

Doula” (pronounced “doola”) is a Greek word meaning “woman servant or caregiver”. It now refers to an experienced woman who offers emotional and practical support to a woman (or couple) before, during and after childbirth. A doula believes in “mothering the mother” – enabling a woman to have the most satisfying and empowered time that she can during pregnancy, birth and the early days as a new mum. This type of support also helps the whole family to relax and enjoy the experience.

Why a post-natal doula?

• Caesarean looks likely, so I won’t be very fit to do much for a while… I know this from last time’s emergency caesarian.
• Time for Leo… he’ll be 7 and at school, so those few hours in the afternoon will be precious time with him.
• Space to share with Aaron (husband)…it’s so easy to spill the days troubles on to him as soon as he walks in the door, but I’d rather spill them elsewhere a few times a week, so we can connect on a more loving level.
• A shower and hairwash… once in a while. And someone to help tidy the house before the in-laws come over!
• Having permission to ask for the help needed, and permission to be as I am…

Who did we want?

We interviewed a few. Aaron encouraged me to go with my gut.

It turned out I was looking for someone who could ‘hold’ those first weeks, who didn’t seem phased by the waves of emotion and change that follow a new person’s arrival.

She smiled a lot. She recognised the pitfalls of the early weeks without looking as though she spent much time down deep emotional holes digging her way out.

I felt she could ‘hold me’ so I could hold my family.

So we’ve booked her to come and help us out for a few hours a few times a week once the baby has arrived. I hope to learn from and enjoy her calm spirit. Very lucky we can do this second time around.

Wow!

Mumnesia/ nappy brain/ what really matters November 17, 2009

I’ve just managed to take the chicken off the heat, and then turn the hob on under the dinner plate…(cue burned plate, and alarming sizzling noise)  leaving the veggies blissfully unaware that
a. the heat was meant for them in their cooking pot
b. I nearly set fire to my kitchen

Hmm…should I actually be blogging now? Multi-tasking doesn’t seem to working for me at the moment!

I USED to be a capable human being whose chances of burning stuff/ forgetting stuff/ walking into the kitchen and saying “now what did I come in here for?” was pretty slim. It seems I am joining the ranks of mums who have no idea where they’ve put anything except for their baby… ‘mumnesia’.

There is evidence that this phenomenon is not an urban myth… although the evidence is mixed.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/earthnews/3335107/Mumnesia-is-a-medical-fact-say-scientists.html

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/article6838728.ece

The weird thing is, that it isn’t related to lack of sleep in my case, as so far, the little one is kicking away quietly inside my uterus during the wee small hours, instead of kicking up a storm outside it…

So what’s it for?

I’m not sure of the evolutionary purpose…perhaps to make us forget the pain of childbirth, but I guess a better question to ask is:

What does it mean for me?

I find myself ‘speaking unkindly’ to myself and being cross with myself for spending ten minutes trying to lock the door by turning the key the wrong way in the lock, whilst Leo, my son watches my increasing levels of anger in amazement…., so I guess this is a chance to be kind to myself, forgiving and gentle.

I think it also reminds me that these external things really don’t matter that much, that the successes and achievements of baby-free life are just my ego’s way of validating itself… all this is stuff that mumnesia is helping me to let go of ahead of time.

Letting go ahead of time

I remember when Leo arrived I used to get to the end of the day and feel that I’d done nothing.. I mean nothing, apart from being with a small being, and travelling from one end of the day to another.

The trick for me, is to see past what has or what hasn’t been done, to what is really important.  I have cared for another life, I have been present, and have done what I could. And that is O.K.

So, back to mumnesia, it is helping me to remember that I am not my achievements, my appearance, my actions or my ability to find stuff in my home…. I just am. And that is going to stand me in good stead for when the baby arrives and the s*** hits the nappy.

If I can embrace this beingness with an open heart, I know I will be much happier when baby number 2 arrives.

Latest book purchase OR I keep Amazon going single-handed…

To that end, I have also just bought a book:

“What Mothers do, especially when it looks like Nothing” by Naomi Stadlen. I read some reviews on Amazon and it seems to describe the ‘beingness’ of motherhood, something I struggled with last time around.  I really look forward to reading it, and will share what I learn from it. So, thanks mumnesia for helping me get ready, ahead of time, for the many days of being that await me.

Introducing this blog… November 17, 2009

Hi there,

Oh well, here goes…

I’m a British mum of a 6 year old, and expecting another little one in April…. 19 weeks pregnant at the time of writing.

I wanted to blog to share some of the experiences of being a second time mum.

I’m really hoping to enjoy the journey in a different way this time. I’m hoping to be able to practice self acceptance, and kindness on what I know will be a wild trip to parenthood mark II.  I’m trying to be as prepared as I can this time… so spending some time getting ‘stuff’ together, but also ready in the other senses…

I’ve been meditating a bit, journalling a bit, exercising, reading stuff, talking to friends, getting my maternity cover sorted for work, and buying up half of the maternity clothes on ebay.

I see myself as a little bit of a hippy, but also have my shallow side! I want  to share the books I’ve read, and things I’ve been thinking about, to connect with other folks out there as this is such a universal journey.

Well, first entry done… hugs to all you other new bloggers and expectant mums out there!

purpleeturtle